Happy New Year Qils!

New year. New resolutions. New me.
Well, tryin' to be. Haha. It's already the second month of 2017. Yes, it's already 2017. Just another three years till 2020. Hmm. You know, when I was little, I imagine myself flying inside a flying car, you know like those in the movies, like star wars and all. I imagine that we will be so high tech in the year of 2020, but I guess I should just keep dreaming because we are waaayyyy far from that, right? Haha.

So, new year, a lots of my friend had gettin' married. Engaged. Having babies. Hmmmm. It's not that I wasn't happy, I am. It just that they are so lucky. Meeting the right guy and getting engaged and married. Even my ex had gotten married last month. His wife look aaaamazing, like seriously amazing. If I was him, I will have chosen her too. She so pretty and let be honest with each other, I wasn't that good. Waaaay too much to learn to be a better person, not for someone else but for me. I realized that I need to be a better person for myself ... hmm. Gettin' back to my friends, almost all of them are getting their relationship to another level. Me? Urghh, still looking for Mr.Right. 26 tahun still looking, I guess I should just look for Mr.Left and make him right? Haha.

Anyway, while I was in the shower, I kinda recall my conversation with my friend. He said that I am a complete package. That the person who have me will be sooooo lucky for having me. Honestly, I disagree because hey, I met a lot of guys and none of them see me that way, because if they do, they would not leave me right? Hmm. When I see my friends getting engaged and married, I just thought to myself that how lucky they are to meet with someone who really serious about being together, who loves you with all his heart, who is brave to go to the next level of the relationship, who is loyal...hmm they are so lucky. Even ada sorang tu jumpa dekat social networks je pun, last last kahwin. Hmm. Dah jodoh kan. And ada juga sorang tu, gf dia risau couple lama sangat but still nothing sampai fikir negative thoughts, and guess what the boyfriend do? Oh no, dia tak tinggalkan gf dia, dia masuk meminang and they step to the next level, bertunang to prove to her that dia serius dalam hubungan tu. 

Me? I once met a guy I fall in love with from head to toe, I dream about our wedding and all, oh yes, so in love sampai fikir nak kahwin, but that guy? No. To him, we're too rush about all these marriage stuff. But cakap dekat kawan kawan of I like her, she is an ideal choice for a wife but she is so boring, as a wife she is fine but as a gf, no. Likeeeeee whaaat? Seriously I ingat sampai ke sekarang. At that time rasa hello, then what exactly do you want? Kan, pelik kan? Memang tak sesuai nak buat husband. But hey, kita ni sayang nak mati, even dah kena macam tu still sayang last last kena tinggal jugak. Haha.

And then certain people jumpa dekat social network and terus click and kahwin. So happy ending, not like me. Kenal punya kenal dekat FB, started as friend but move on to the next level, and bila dah selalu contact, kita kena tinggal. Katanya rasa dah sama. Rasa yang dulu dah hilang. Poof, into the thin air. Just like that. Time tu rasa betul lah quote tu "People change, feelings fade". Takde jodoh kan. Selebihnya biarlah, dah bahagia dah pun yang ni. Doa yang baik baik je. 

Then certain kawan kawan tu kahwin dengan kawan sendiri. I mean yang satu universiti, satu sekolah, ha camtu. Yang dulu time sekolah/universiti masing masing ada gf bf but then putus tup tup entah macam mana rapat then kahwin. Alahai, jodoh weyh jodoh. Hang nak kata apa, not like me. Kenal dah lama tapi takdelah rapat sangat, tapi dekat social network tu memang rapat lah pastu entah macam mana melekat. Ya Allah baiknya, sweet sangat tapi pelik sikit. Pelik why? Adelah, yang ni still baru, masih berdarah lagi luka di hati. Eh. Haha. Make it short, aku tak lucky, takde can nak berkasih kasih macam orang lain. 

But certain people tell me that I need to work harder for my relationship, but hey I did okay, I did. EVERYTHING. Okay maybe takdelah everything tapi dah banyak aku buat. But to certain people yang bukan nak pun kita ni, yang dah memang takde hati, yang memang dah tak sudi, kita bagi lah apa pun, everything ke all the thing ke apa ke, it still would not be enough for them. And at last kita ni je ha yang penat. Penat makan hati. Penat pujuk hati. Penat semuanya. Dah tua tua ni serious rasa penat nak mula balik, nak kenal balik isi hati, perangai dia apa semua. Penat weyh. So this year kita take a chill pill, mana yang ada berkenan tu terus jelah jumpa parents, pi menang hati depa dulu, habis cerita.

Hmmmm...tulah qiqi lala, tak habis dengan cerita hati dan perasaan. Always about love love love kan? Naik muak dah. Dah tua tapi hati tisu lagi. Hmm. May this brand new year, hati makin sado, and badan pun makin sado jugaklah. Berat dah naik berganda ganda dah sejak sedih ni -___- Okay, see you, bila rajin nak menaip balik lah kita taip. Bye.


"You hurt me more than what I deserve because I loved you more than what you deserve"